I Promise I’m Not Angry

5 Jul

Most of the time one gets introspective, it is attached to a desire to become better. Sometimes, despite tremendous amounts of introspection, it just isn’t possible to know what to do to actually make the changes necessary for personal betterment. I currently find myself in such a situation.

It came to my attention this week, that at my college graduation, I came across as being rude and unexcited. You might wonder why that would even require a firs thought, as it was so long ago. Well, I am now being exposed to the reality that people think this of me with a relative amount of regularity.

There are very few times where I purposefully come across in a bad mood or angry with a given individual. Those times do exist, but they are not at issue here. There are also the times where you are actually frustrated and while you may try to hide it, the fact that it comes out is understandable. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be the case. These are happy tiems in my life, where I am accused of just being angry or being mean.

Gorwing up, I was known to say, I hate being accused of being in a bad mood (or argumentative or being mean or angry or the like), because there is no legitimate response to that. If you argue, you are just proving their point. While I might not say it anymore, I am feeling it more than ever.

I’ve always considered myself a happy-go-lucky guy with a cheery disposition. Unfortunately, I am realizing more and more that people sometimes find me a drain to be around, despite the fact that I don’t want to be. I am learning that people frequently think me angry when I am not and often think I am in a bad mood, when I am not.

So, what can a man do? I’d like to go through some groovy explanation, but I am afraid that I am at a loss. I neither know what to do nor where to turn. I don’t know how to change or what to do. I’m just getting depressed that people don’t like being around me.

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