Life Before This Century was Rough

13 Dec

I took a shower this morning. Shocking as it may be, it occurred. As exciting as it is, the fact that I went from filthy to clean in less than thirty minutes was not the most impactful thing that happened to me during the daily ritual.

You see, as a person coming to grips with technology, I have begun using my cell phone as the alarm clock. While the elimination of the previously universally-accepted nine minute standard for the snooze function is disheartening, the convenience and ease have made that one issue very overcomable. This morning was no different.

As I have heard complaints about the length of my showers as far back as 2001, I usually leave my cell phone on the counter to give me a reminder every five minutes (the five minute snooze is ridiculous, but until the old alarm clock makers manufacture a cell phone, we’re stuck with what they have) that five more minutes of time has snuck away and I need to continue aiming for a quick completion. Today, however, my placement on the counter must have been slightly different than normal. I only know this because the behavior of the phone itself was a little different.

The vibration of the phone somehow caused the phone to slide a little bit, which then caused the phone to somehow catapult off the counter. As the sound jostled Kelly from her activities, she ran in and found my phone was now, much like Herbie in the Original Love Bug (check the last ten seconds of the clip for video proof), split into two yet sorta functioning. The odd thing is you can still hear the phone ring, make calls, and receive texts. Without a screen, however, I cannot read anything or see who made the call or converse with the person who did call.

So, I am now in a position of not being able to communicate with someone by cell phone. I am amazed at how much this little device has overtaken my life. I dropped my kids off at school, then drove to work. In that 30 minutes or so, there were at least five times where I felt the need to contact someone and began to do so, before realizing afresh that I could not.

At the same time, I feel as if I have let technology advance in some ways without me. Largely because I live my life within five feet of a computer, I have not gotten internet on my phone. This anecdote aside, I don’t want internet on my phone. Of course, that is one of the maddening things about the situation. As I am looking online for potential replacements, they do not want to allow me to get a phone without internet capability.

Internet wouldn’t be so bad, except then they charge you additional amounts each month. Since I don’t need the internet, I don’t want to pay for it! Of course, I will eventually have to give in and will, I guess, be forced to pay extra each month for that which I feel I don’t need. I suspect, however, that there will come a day in ten years, when I will bemoan the fact that my internet enabled phone just isn’t up to snuff.

At any rate, if you are trying to get a hold of me and cannot, the reason is I don’t have a phone. If you’ve texted or left a message, I may never get it. And I am experiencing life circa 1999 (I know many of you got cell phones before that, but I was behind the times), where I don’t know how people functioned. With life this difficult, maybe I should rethink this whole showering thing!

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